- You love me
- You are an amazing Dad to our kids
- You can make me smile for no reason
- You always make me laugh
- You make me think positive when I’mnegative
- You can see the best in me
- You always come up with crazy thingsto do
- You never forget important days
- You always want to be close to me
- You put your family first
- You’ll watch “my” crime shows with me
- You kiss me right when you get home
- You are always my shoulder to cry on
- You push me to do my best
- You can make difficult decisions whenI can’t
- You are not afraid to be silly
- You can always calm me down
- You make yourself laugh
- You make me feel safe
- You don’t care when I’m a bum
- You can talk to me about anything
- You provide for your family
- You hold my hand when we’re walking
- You have made the last 10 yearsamazing
- You listen to my stupid stories
- You’ll take me to buy ice cream at 11at night
- You are not afraid of what othersthink
- You are always working hard
- You let me sleep in on the weekends(if the kids do!)
- You hold me the right way
- You always kiss me goodnight
- You don’t mind when I don’t cookdinner
- You’re proud to have me as your wife
- You try to help around the house
- You want what’s best for your family
- You make a good pillow
- You always say what’s on your mind
- You can (eventually) admit when you’re wrong J
- You occasionally stare at me lovingly
- You like to surprise me with littlethings
- You put up with my crazy family
- You accept me for me
- You are crazy silly cute with our kids
- You try to better our relationship
- You allow me to stay at home with ourchildren
- You kiss my forehead
- You try to fix everything around thehouse
- You’ll shop with me every so often
- You hold me when you are sleeping
- You always stand by my side
- You are perfectly imperfect
- You make our house a home
- You don’t mind that I take up most ofthe closet with clothes I don't wear
- You always buy me Starbucks when Iwant it
- You can finish my sentences
- You know my favorite things
- You remind me every day that your lovefor me is endless
- You're eternally Peter Pan
- You are an optimist
- You gave me Kaelyn
- You love Halie as your own.
- You accept my needs and guide them.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Things I love about you....
Monday, September 17, 2012
Polyamory
- Angel: Well, duh! It's fun!
- Devil: And since I can't give him anything new, so he's gotta go get it to feel complete.
- Angel: I can see this. Master is an insanely loving giving person.
- Devil: Why? Why can't loving me and my love for him be enough? I give him and our family unequivocally ALL of my love.
- Angel: yes, we can do anything as long as we communicate.
- Devil: Fuck no! Maybe HE can, but this is a no fly zone for me. I can't fucking do this!
- Angel: No, again, we can work through anything.
- Devil: The contract is all I have left so I can't call and end to it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
A New Task for Self-Image
Thursday, August 23, 2012
stuff i read on the forum that might be helpful??
Deterring - After the fact, when I have misbehaved. To deter future misbehaviour.
Detriggering - During the fact, when I’m upset. To calm me down.
Absolving - After the fact, when deterring isn’t necessary. To allow me to forgive myself.
Analgesic - When I am in emotional pain. To make it go away.
Friday, August 17, 2012
My first non-spanking punishment
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Journaling Prompt>> Identity
lunaKM 04:56:54 pm on July 2, 2012 | 7 | # |
Tags: emotions, identity, names, slave names, slaveryHave you ever been given a ’slave name’ or had your name changed by someone else? What emotional effect did it have on you, if any? Does your sense of self/identity tie in strongly with your name?
Master calls me "sweet". When dating, and even now, his "pet name" for me is "sweet pea".
Journaling Prompt>> Self
This has always been a question/fear of mine. I have found recently that remaining in touch with my feelings and being unashamed to bring them to Master's attention helps me retain my feelings of self.lunaKM 5:47 PM on August 16, 2012
Tags: identity, sense of self, slaveryIn the beginning, did you ever wonder if you would lose your sense of self somehow in your slavery? Has that proven to be the case? Is that still a question for you?
Things I'd like to discuss
Can we discuss these things in text, IM, or just chat when we have time, please, Sir?
Alternative discipline (I would like some "options" besides spankings, please, Sir.)
BDSM spankings, scenes, etc (We've focused a LOT on disciplining my behavior, rightly so, but I miss my "training sessions".)
Chore delegation (I just need a little positive reinforcement with the kiddos, please.)
Anger management (Mine, towards the kids... I do not want to disappoint you and wind up being spanked.)
Thank You, Sir
<3, sweet
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
new thoughts on punishment
Journaling Prompt>> Rituals
Do you have rituals? Such as waking, cleaning, beauty, exercise, dressing? Do they have meaning or are they just something that you do? Do you have a centering ritual?
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Abernathy Lesson 13 - Personal care and fitness for slaves.
Abernathy Lesson 12 - Voice Training II: forms of address
- Sir
- Master
- Mr. /Mister
- Ma'am
- Madame
- Mistress
- Miss/Ms./Mrs.
- Officer (Police/Military)
- Sergeant, etc (Military)
- Majesty
- Queen
- King
- Judge
- Your Honor
Abernathy Lesson 11 - Voice Training I: silence
- two fans in our room, one softly whirring, the other humming as it oscillated back & forth.
- a cat bell in the bathroom as Duke scratched (faster noise) then jumped on the counter to eat (slower & short)
- soft "nmnnm" while Kaelyn stretched and a gentle smacking of the lips as she rolled over.
- a car door closing outside
- Halie's stereo playing softly, undistinguishable
- the refrigerator humming softly then slightly louder as the fan kicks on
- the sound of the a/c kicking off.. I did not notice it's sound while on.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Fix it
And I know that this is where we stand. I know that this "issue", whatever it may be, is giving me doubts in my own head. Please believe me when I say I have never doubted YOU... even if my mouth said otherwise in a tantrum.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Speaking of songs that say it all...
Never Surrender
Do you know what it's like when
You're scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it's like when
You wish you were someone else
Who didn't need your help to get by?
Do you know what it's like
To wanna surrender?
[Chorus:]
I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow
I don't wanna live like this today
Make me feel better
I wanna feel better
Stay with me here now
And never surrender
You're not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it's like to
Be your own worst enemy
Who sees the things in me I can't hide?
Do you know what it's like
to wanna surrender?
[Chorus]
Make me feel better,
You make me feel better,
You make me feel better,
Put me back together.
Put me back together,
Never surrender,
Make me feel better.
You make me feel better,
Stay with me here now,
And never surrender.
Abernathy Lesson 10 - Slave journal: the discipline of self-disclosure
I have the unalienable right to consent the control I keep of my destiny and choose the right to live a life of service at your command.
Abernathy Lesson 9 - Obedience III: Self-discipline
Abernathy Lesson 8 - Obedience II: Awareness of others
- tight face
- clenched fists
- shuttered breathing
- that "look" in the eye
- aggressive walk
- sad face
- silence
- oversleeping consistently
- tears
- sighs
- bright eyes
- smile
- "bouncy"
- clapping
- fast breathing
Abernathy Lesson 7 - Obedience I: 1st Steps towards Mindfulness
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Please be me...
Abernathy Lesson 6 - Expectations: The Training Contract
- The slave gives up all rights to her own person in every manner, giving Him: herself, her life, her future, her heart, and her mind; and that
- Master takes entire possession of slave as His property, claiming her for Himself, His life, His future, within His heart and His mind.
- Slave agrees to obey and submit completely to Master in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of Master, except in situations where the slave's veto (section 2.0.1) applies.
- Slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, her body belongs to Master, to be used as seen fit.
- All of slave's possessions likewise belong to Master, including all assets, finances, and material goods, to do with as he sees fit.
- Slave agrees to please Master to the best of her ability, in that she now exists solely for the pleasure of Master.
- Slave understands that all that she has, and all that she does, shall now move from right to privilege, granted only as Master wishes, and only to the extent that Master finds useful.
- If slave feels that a situation is approaching a boundary unforeseen, slave may utter safe words to signify the following:
- GREEN: slave wishes Master to proceed OR slave "approves" the situation.
- YELLOW: slave needs the current activity to slow down momentarily OR slave feels "guarded" about the situation
- RED: slave needs the current situation to “freeze” at the current level OR slave feels "very cautious" about the situation.
- Master accepts the responsibility of assessing situations when slave calls the safe word and will, to the best of his ability, make judgment on whether to modify the activity or stop activity entirely, unless “ DERF ” is called as a stop all (section 2.0.1).
- Master agrees to take the given code into consideration and discuss the code with the slave in situations where he does not agree, such as LS situations.
- Slave agrees to hold no ill will due to Master's decision. Master agrees not to punish slave for the use of a safe word.
- Slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by Master, at which time she may rightfully refuse to obey that command.
- This shall be signified by the safe word “DERF" and shall be used as a “stop all”.
- Utterance of the safe word, “ DERF ", necessitates immediate termination of activity. It is considered a veto, and is grounds for termination of the Slavery Contract.
- This is not to be used as a "get out of jail free" card to side step punishment or commands. It is for moments of "extreme duress" or "caution".
- Slave will strive diligently to remold slave's body, appearance, habits, and attitudes in accordance with Master's desires and agrees to change the slave's actions, speech, and dress to express the ownership.
- Slave will always speak of her Master in terms of love and respect, and address Him appropriately (i.e. "Master", "Sir”, etc.) when so directed.
- Slave will seek to learn how to please Master better, and will gracefully accept any criticism in whatever form Master chooses.
- Slave renounces all rights to privacy or concealment from Master. This includes but is not limited to photography and video photography of slave, in any situation, to be used and displayed in any manner Master sees fit.
- Slave agrees to confess all of slave's desires and fetishes for the Master's consideration.
- Slave will answer truthfully and completely, to the best of the slave's knowledge, any and all questions Master may ask of slave.
- Slave will volunteer any information her Master should know about her physical or emotional condition.
- Slave shall be responsible for maintaining the cleanliness and availability of all toys. None shall be used without the express permission of Master, unless agreed to beforehand.
- When in a domestic environment, slave is responsible for maintenance and completion of all household chores, including delegation of chores to the children, and excepting taking out the trash or heavy lifting. Assistance must be asked for respectfully for any other domestic chore.
- The slave is allowed to voice opinions and make decisions in the matters of child rearing and swinging, without having to use the veto. ( #subjecttochange )
- The slave is allowed to voice opinions during discussions, specifically when her Master asks, and otherwise if respectfully requested by her. "May I say something on the matter, Sir?" is a good preface to such actions.
- Both parties agree that all of the above must always be done in private unless the situation must be resolved immediately, in a respectful manner, and with an open mind.
- Slave understands that a failure to maintain respect will be met with punishment as her Master sees fit.
- When so ordered, slave shall diligently maintain and adorn slave's body parts in such manner as will ensure that they are fully open and available to Master.
- When so ordered, slave's body parts shall be able to be displayed by slave in public or private, to others or to Master.
- When so ordered, slave shall dress in attire Master sees fit for the situation at hand.
- Slave shall never close her legs in Master's presence.
- Slave shall keep slave's body parts clean-shaven at the direction of the Master.
- Slave shall keep slave's hair cut, styled, and colored as directed by Master.
- Slave shall keep slave's finger and toenails maintained as directed by Master.
- Master has the right to tattoo or have tattooed, pierce or have pierced, or brand or have branded slave's body.
- Slave will wear, at all times, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, a token of her possession, given to her by Master.
- When so ordered, slave shall be required to wear a butt plug until excused by Master.
- Master accepts the responsibility of slave's body and worldly possessions, to do with as Master sees fit.
- Master agrees to love, care for, protect, and cherish slave, and to arrange for the safety and well being of slave.
- Master also accepts the commitment to train the slave, punish the slave, love the slave, and use the slave as Master sees fit.
- Slave agrees to accept any punishment Master decides to inflict, whether earned or not.
- Slave agrees that severe punishment may be assessed for any infraction of the letter or spirit of this Slavery Contract, and will accept the correction gratefully.
- The form and extent of the punishment shall be at the Master's pleasure.
- Master may punish her without reason to please Himself.
- Slave retains the right to cry, scream, or beg, but accepts the fact that these heartfelt expressions will not affect her treatment.
- Further, she accepts that if her Master tires of her noise, Master may gag her or take other actions to silence her.
- Slave may not seek any other Master or lover, or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way, either in "real time", “swinging", "virtual", nor "cyber" time, without Master's permission. To do so will be considered a breach of Slavery Contract, and will result in extreme punishment or Slavery Contract termination.
- Master may accept other slaves or lovers, but must consider slave's emotional response to such actions.
- Slave agrees that her Master possesses the right to determine whether others can use her body and to what use they may put it. Master will discuss all such instances in advance with slave.
- Slave has no say in the choice of these other partners, with the exception that play with others must be "safe."
- This Slavery Contract may be terminated at any time by Master, but never by slave.
- Upon termination, all materials and belongings shall belong to Master, to be shared or kept as Master sees fit.
- Slave, owning nothing and having agreed to give up all worldly possessions and body to Master, shall once again own her body, but nothing else.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Broken
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Abernathy Lesson 5 - Assessing Risk
- Tri-Nessa Birth control pills 1x daily, Rx expires May 2013
- OTC Cetrizine/Zyrtec allergy pills, 1x daily
- OTC Chlortrimeton allergy pills, as needed
- Do you have any allergies? Pollen/wheat, both cause hay fever type symptoms.
- Do you have any dietary restrictions? Are you vegetarian or vegan? I have to watch my consumption of meats as too much causes stomach pains, but I am not vegan or vegetarian.
- Do you have any chronic illnesses or injuries that trouble you? What sort of treatment do you use? Herniated disc at L4-5 in my lower back causes pain and sciatica. I treat it with rest as needed, hot soaks as often as possible, and massage when possible.
- Do you wear glasses or contact lens? Do you have a hearing aid? I do wear glasses daily.
- Do you use drugs (including alcohol and tobacco) recreationally? What and how often? I do not use recreational drugs or tobacco, I do drink socially, usually on weekends.
- Are you currently struggling with an addiction? No.
- Are you aware of any body image issues that bother you? I am extremely overweight and my boxy sags everywhere.
- Are you clean and/or sober? for how long? N/A
- Are you in recovery from an addiction other than sex or drugs? For how long? No.
- Did you suffer any (physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, spiritual...) as a child? All of the above. My mother was an alcoholic who abused me verbally, psychologically & physically. My father was a controlling pedophile who abused me sexually, verbally & psychologically.
- Have you suffered such abuse as an adult? Yes, my ex-husband abused me verbally, psychologically, physically, and sexually.
- How have you learned to heal these wounds? By talking about it when it is bothering me and by facing my fears regarding them with you, before and after you became my Master.
- If you have a history of abuse, can you identify any "triggers" (words, sounds, objects situations) that might cause you trauma now? The only thing that has surfaced recently is "flicking" me while being abrasive and ordering me around (Erin's).
- Do you have any history of abusing others? If so, what steps have you taken to change this pattern? I believe that I have been towards you and the children with my yelling. I have hit Halie. I believe that the behavior modificatoins we are working on are the best steps I have taken towards changing this.