“Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.”- Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer
Even though this movie and quote has nothing to do with the lifestyle, it says everything a slave can feel and (occasionally) admit to.
In our chosen way of doing things, we actually use the word surrender. It can be an offer of myself to him at anytime, or it can be a demand of my services from him. It is used and offered tenderly and has also become part of his 'pet' name for me. But this quote shows that it is more.
It is about heart. It is about our love for each other. It is about what we offer each other. Not just as a slave to my master, but what my Master offers me. It IS about clearly seeing and accepting what this choice means to us (as husband and wife ), accepting what it means in our life (as a couple and parents), and (as I am learning) commiting to it on a daily basis, "whatever the pain". The pain of failing, not commiting, displeasing Master, is indeed a FAR greater hurt.
I slide a lot, and I have the great comfort of having a forgiving Master, but he is NOT a forgetful Master. I pay dearly for all my transgressions, in flesh and/or tears, chores, duties, and (worse of all) in Master's dissatisfaction of me. Flesh pain can be dealt with, and always heals, butthe inner anguish of knowing I have displeased him lasts much longer.
I surrender myself to him in trust and love. He accepts my surrender with his love and protection. Those are the things that make being his slave a lifetime choice, not a passing fancy.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you love yourself?
On most days that is a simple answer: NO!
But since Master is getting just about fed up with me being negative, I'll elaborate and maybe that will help lead me towards a solution.
Some things are starting to gradually change. My biggest issue is my weight. A combinantion of my lack of caring and medical problems led me to an unlealthy weight. I am gradually losing it on my own, and that alone is helping with my self "dislike" issues.
Because of the weight issues, I also have a hard time accepting myself. It's like the fine print that says "sold as is". When you don't like it "as is", you don't buy it. Master is a brave shopper. He accepts me "as is" with no bartering. There is also no bartering when it comes to my attitude towards myself. Either I like it, change it, or shut up. I am not allowed to talk down to nor about myself. It is the one rule he has with absolutely no exceptions, excuses, or safewording. Side effects include harsh scolding and, when necessary, spanking.
I am beginning to love the person I am becoming, even if I don;t currently love the state I am in. There are several things I am doing to better myself, not just as a person, but as a wife, mother, and servant. I have mostly mended my lazy ways, and our home stays more comfortable and MUCH more livable. I'm not afraid to have company over. I am bettering myself by going to college, which will help my family excell and succeed in the long run. And of course, losing the weight sloooooooooowly is helping too.
Maybe next year I can look back at this post and have a completely different answer..
But since Master is getting just about fed up with me being negative, I'll elaborate and maybe that will help lead me towards a solution.
Some things are starting to gradually change. My biggest issue is my weight. A combinantion of my lack of caring and medical problems led me to an unlealthy weight. I am gradually losing it on my own, and that alone is helping with my self "dislike" issues.
Because of the weight issues, I also have a hard time accepting myself. It's like the fine print that says "sold as is". When you don't like it "as is", you don't buy it. Master is a brave shopper. He accepts me "as is" with no bartering. There is also no bartering when it comes to my attitude towards myself. Either I like it, change it, or shut up. I am not allowed to talk down to nor about myself. It is the one rule he has with absolutely no exceptions, excuses, or safewording. Side effects include harsh scolding and, when necessary, spanking.
I am beginning to love the person I am becoming, even if I don;t currently love the state I am in. There are several things I am doing to better myself, not just as a person, but as a wife, mother, and servant. I have mostly mended my lazy ways, and our home stays more comfortable and MUCH more livable. I'm not afraid to have company over. I am bettering myself by going to college, which will help my family excell and succeed in the long run. And of course, losing the weight sloooooooooowly is helping too.
Maybe next year I can look back at this post and have a completely different answer..
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sensual Service » Journal Prompts - Week of January 5th
These have been going to my spam folder, but I found them again today. I believe I will try to keep up and reply at least once every few weeks this year, unless Master requires differently.
- Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you love yourself?
- Are you a perfectionist?
- “Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.”- Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer
- Are you a people pleaser?
- “A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” - Robert Heinlein
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