Why is it inappropriate for me to yell at Master?

1. It was my choice to live a TPE dynamic.
2. In general, it is disrespectful. In my M/s relationship it is contemptuous and impertinent.
   
3. Master is in control.
4. As my owner, he is the only one who can give me permission for such an outburst.
5. As a slave, I have given up the choice to scream and have temper tantrums without prior permission.
6. As a wife it is unfair and rude.
7. As a mother it is ugly and not something the children should hear.
8. My temper and outbursts were the reason behind the force driving us towards TPE, so that I can and will be held accountable for my outbursts.
9. When I am told to calm down, stop yelling, and shut up... I should listen.
10. The more I argue or continue to be unruly, the more punishment I am adding upon myself.
11. Above all, I should respect the freedom of expression granted to me by Him and not abuse it with such childish outbursts.

Journal Prompt>> Week of February 5

Do you enjoy rituals in your relationships? What is your favorite?

We do have a few rituals.

• A formalized greeting when he returns home
• A symbolic gesture of my submission to formally ask for scene play
• A bondage collar for scening

I serve him daily and completely. We have a IE/TPE relationship. We are looking for the perfect collar for daily use to "seal-the-deal" formally.

My favorite is the symbolic gesture of submission. It shows him that I ask for and want his dominance and training, while giving me another chance to offer myself to him. It's not necessary, as he has it without resistance.. but it's.. nice.

OMG!

Master said he'd get me to do it and he did.. I haven't squirted since we were dating and humping like teenagers in the back of his import, LOL! Ah.. any way W-O-W and O-M-G!

That was FUN!

Thank You, Sir!

~Sweet

Sensual Service>> Journal Prompts - Archive

From the week of November 17, that I missed. A prompt caught my eye, and I wanted to write about it.

Does your Owner stand on courtesy? Do they use please and thank you with requests from you? How does it make you feel? Do you not take it as an order if it has please after it?

My Master does make a firm stand on courtesy.

He uses "please" and "thank you" almost always, unless we are deep in scene. This is not at all necessary, of course, as I serve him no matter the politeness, but it does make me feel proud (a bad trait for a slave?) to have an Owner who respects me enough to say thank you for tasks that I am bound by spoken and written (though expired) contract to do.

I do take it as an order even if he has said "please". I do admit to letting myself slide and not jumping up immediately if he does so, and usually in these cases I get a slightly firmer request and no "please".

However, we have discussed and both admit/agree that he could be more forceful with his requests in some instances. Ritual/daily tasks, like cooking/serving his dinner he always thanks me for, as he is grateful not to have to cook for himself, a task he freely admits he can't do. :) But when asking me to draw his bath, or ready his bed for the night, it could be done without the "please".

I have rarely though not heard "thank you", no matter the task. As he expects courtesy and respect for the things he does for me, he is the type of person who expects no less courtesy from himself. Perhaps it is ingrained from childhood, but is a standard he holds himself up to as a man. Master is a firm believer that his word means everything, whether a contract, promise, conversation, threat, or offer. He won't renege without a major sacrifice or something detrimental preventing him from fulfilling it. I believe this is why he uses the courtesy he does with my training.

The only time these words are completely missing is when I have failed utterly at something and require punishment, something I am striving to prevent as I learn more from him.

Response to quote

“Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.”- Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer

Even though this movie and quote has nothing to do with the lifestyle, it says everything a slave can feel and (occasionally) admit to.

In our chosen way of doing things, we actually use the word surrender. It can be an offer of myself to him at anytime, or it can be a demand of my services from him. It is used and offered tenderly and has also become part of his 'pet' name for me. But this quote shows that it is more.

It is about heart. It is about our love for each other. It is about what we offer each other. Not just as a slave to my master, but what my Master offers me. It IS about clearly seeing and accepting what this choice means to us (as husband and wife ), accepting what it means in our life (as a couple and parents), and (as I am learning) commiting to it on a daily basis, "whatever the pain". The pain of failing, not commiting, displeasing Master, is indeed a FAR greater hurt.

I slide a lot, and I have the great comfort of having a forgiving Master, but he is NOT a forgetful Master. I pay dearly for all my transgressions, in flesh and/or tears, chores, duties, and (worse of all) in Master's dissatisfaction of me. Flesh pain can be dealt with, and always heals, butthe inner anguish of knowing I have displeased him lasts much longer.

I surrender myself to him in trust and love. He accepts my surrender with his love and protection. Those are the things that make being his slave a lifetime choice, not a passing fancy.

Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you love yourself?

On most days that is a simple answer: NO!

But since Master is getting just about fed up with me being negative, I'll elaborate and maybe that will help lead me towards a solution.

Some things are starting to gradually change. My biggest issue is my weight. A combinantion of my lack of caring and medical problems led me to an unlealthy weight. I am gradually losing it on my own, and that alone is helping with my self "dislike" issues.

Because of the weight issues, I also have a hard time accepting myself. It's like the fine print that says "sold as is". When you don't like it "as is", you don't buy it. Master is a brave shopper. He accepts me "as is" with no bartering. There is also no bartering when it comes to my attitude towards myself. Either I like it, change it, or shut up. I am not allowed to talk down to nor about myself. It is the one rule he has with absolutely no exceptions, excuses, or safewording. Side effects include harsh scolding and, when necessary, spanking.

I am beginning to love the person I am becoming, even if I don;t currently love the state I am in. There are several things I am doing to better myself, not just as a person, but as a wife, mother, and servant. I have mostly mended my lazy ways, and our home stays more comfortable and MUCH more livable. I'm not afraid to have company over. I am bettering myself by going to college, which will help my family excell and succeed in the long run. And of course, losing the weight sloooooooooowly is helping too.

Maybe next year I can look back at this post and have a completely different answer..

Sensual Service » Journal Prompts - Week of January 5th

These have been going to my spam folder, but I found them again today. I believe I will try to keep up and reply at least once every few weeks this year, unless Master requires differently.

1. Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you love yourself?
2. Are you a perfectionist?
3. “Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater.”- Nicholas Evans, The Horse Whisperer
4. Are you a people pleaser?
5. “A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” - Robert Heinlein